God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle

April 25, 2012

I often wonder how or why I got to this place.  Why did God give me this disease?  I've been pondering about it a lot for the past week and a half as I hit yet another battle with my health.

I was talking to my mom the other day and I was expressing to her how I just didn't get it.  I didn't understand why all these things were happening to me, now, at this stage in my life.  I mean, I did everything right when I was growing up.  I was studious and got straight A's from elementary to high school.  I was active in sports.  I barely went out and to party with my friends.  I didn't drink or do drugs or act promiscuously.  I did everything and followed the rules.  Yes, in college, I did what college students did and had my fair share of partying, drinking, experimenting.  I wasn't as active in college sports, but I did work out and I ate healthy.  After college and through my 20's, I still went out to bars, clubs, and other social events, so the drinking part was still existent, but again, I remained active and health conscientious.  I think I lived the daily life of other 20-something year olds.  So, physically speaking, I just couldn't figure out where I went wrong.

I also had a great up-bringing with emphasis on family values, the Catholic faith, and to always try my best to excel in everything I do.  My father, a pediatrician and my mother, a med tech turned homemaker.  My parents instilled strong Filipino values in their children.  They were strict, but the most down to earth people you will ever meet.  They never turned anyone away and home welcomed everyone.  My brothers and I were so loved and supported.  We never had to want for anything.  We weren't spoiled, but we were very fortunate to live the lives that my parents gave us.  I have plenty of cousins, although most of them are a thousand miles away, we always remained close.  I can say that the close friends I have are considered family.  Bottom line is:  I grew up surrounded by love and was never really alone because I knew that I could depend on my family and friends, always.

So, physically, psychologically and environmentally, I just couldn't figure this out.  Why is this happening to me?  Why did God give me this disease?  How did a girl that followed the rules and did everything right end up like this?  I finished my undergrad and graduate degrees.  I have my own house, my own car.  I wasn't promiscuous and didn't get pregnant or marry young.  I wasn't a drug addict or an adrenaline junkie.  I have a great career.  I have an amazing boyfriend and a supportive family.  So WHY?  Why NOW?  How come at the time of my life that I've reached a mature and ready age, did this situation fall on my lap.  How come NOW when I've met the love of my life and I'm ready to be a wife, a mother, and a fast track career woman, did God deal these cards?  At 30 years old, my life is only beginning, so I just don't get it.

These have been the thoughts that I've been battling with recently.  So, I have to continuously remind myself that "God won't give you more than you can handle."  I can look at the situation and get mad.  I can spend hours, days, months, years wondering, "why me?"  -OR- I can look at the situation and recap the life that I have been blessed with.  Maybe these cards were dealt to me because I am loved... I do have the support system... I am taken care of, but at the same time, I am strong enough to handle this health situation.  This condition isn’t a part of me.  It’s only a part of my journey.